Today I asked a person for advice. He proffered the very artful, the very transcendent "follow your heart". At first I was taken aback by this thoughtful and ethereal sentiment. What spiritual beliefs, what poetic advice. Did Romeo and Juliet not follow their hearts, to their grave one may say but in love. Did Paris of Troy not follow his heart into the bed of his lover Helen, where she lay ever so beautiful next to her husband Menelaus. A measly epic Trojan War is small price to be for your heart. For all of you young heart followers, yes, you Buffy watching, twilight reading vampire dressing wand twirling hip kids who cant seem to find collective allegory in old folks tales, its not different for you. Initially his heart may lead him to the pale human girl or the ruggedly handsome and tanned even though he has not seen the sun all his life vampire boy, but in the end she will stab him in the heart or he will eat her, they always do. So, pardon my non-romantic sentiment but none of those carry the flavor of fairy tale endings. Follow the heart; the heart is the stupidest part of the body. You can’t trust it. It lies. The heart tells you that you can’t live without that axe murderer maniac and that he’s just misunderstood. The heart tells you that it’ll be easy to clean the rust off that car and it’ll be no trouble at all. The heart tells you to quit your job and move across the country for that stripper you’ve known for just a half hour. It keeps tempting you to follow that guy who keeps telling you about how his wife doesn’t understand him. It doesn’t matter that he’s a doctor that’s also a lawyer who additionally plays in a rock band. Is it any wonder the damn thing breaks so often? Remember, you can’t believe a word the heart says. You have to watch it constantly. Besides, you were drunk, and that stripper was probably fat.